We lost the pregnancy. Well, we haven't even lost it yet. It's ectopic. And ectopic pregnancy is any pregnancy not in the uterus. Usually these pregnancies are still within the reproductive system (ie: the fallopian tubes or in the ovaries). Mine, however, is an abdominal pregnancy.
We discovered this yesterday because we came in for some blood work and found that I have low progesterone, but really high HCG. (These are the 2 important pregnancy hormones for those of you who aren't savvy). Low progesterone is an indication of an unsuccessful pregnancy, so naturally they wanted to do an ultrasound immediately. The ultrasound showed that the uterus was empty. With my HCG levels being so high, the doctors knew that the embryo had to be a couple centimeters by now and have a beating heart, so they knew that they didn't just miss it. They continued to look around and found a "mass" near my ovary. This mass did not have a yolk sack, or a heart beat, so they couldn't rule out that it was just a cyst.
There are 2 ways to "take care" of an ectopic pregnancy: one is a chemical abortion, and the other is surgical removal. It was my choice. Since my levels of HCG are so high, I am at increased risk that the chemical abortion would not work and I would end up in surgery anyway. Additionally, if the mass that they found was really a cyst, the embryo could be somewhere else and have a beating heart. I'm sure its just me (I'm slightly crazy), but I feel very strongly about not taking abortive measures once an embryo has life (a heart beat), so the idea of doing the chemical abortion without having positively identified the location or health of the embryo really bothered me. So we decided to do surgery. Late last night they wheeled me in, and knocked me out. They discovered during the exploratory laparoscopy that the mass was indeed the pregnancy, but that it had never developed correctly or lived in any form. No heart beat, no life sustaining abilities. However, it was embedded in my abdominal wall right between my ureter and a major blood vessel to my right leg. They decided that removing it surgically was too risky, and to try the chemical abortion since they had positively identified the mass as the pregnancy. But since the mass is in such a sensitive and critical area, they also do not want to let me go home and wait to see if the chemicals worked because if the pregnancy ruptured, I would surely bleed severely and likely die before making it back to the hospital.
So here I sit, in the oncology ward of the hospital, hooked to a million monitors, and waiting to see if my hormones levels go down enough to indicate it is safe for me to go home. Worst case scenario, the chemicals never work, I do 3 rounds over 3 weeks, and still end up back in surgery with an oncology surgeon (they do more vascular work). Best case scenario, this first round works and I am back home in a couple days. We'll see.
Yes, I am sad. But really I am doing much better than I thought. Knowing that I did everything I could to consider and preserve life makes me feel at peace. We are also at peace knowing that this pregnancy never developed into in a little baby, that it was never capable. There was just too much wrong with the cells and the location. We are eager to try again and know that that little spirit is still waiting to come to our family and that we will still meet him or her soon. Thank you for all the prayers and support of the family and friends we have spoken to so far.
I was getting ready for early morning seminary watching the 6am news. I saw footage of the first tower hit as I was tying my shoe laces. I still remember what shoes I was wearing. But no one knew it was an attack yet, just an accident. I got into my friend's car for the ride to church, and she turned channel to channel on the radio trying to get anything but the news. But all we heard about was the world trade center, and that's when I heard that the second tower had been hit. Our seminary principal was crying when he came in to tell our class. We didn't have a lesson that day. At the high school (I was a senior) my first class was american government, and the teacher didn't believe us that something monumental had happened. He hadn't heard and wanted to continue on the normal lesson. I got up and left his class and went home to spend the day with my mom and watched the footage over and over and over again. I was in shock.
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Some kinda monkey or sloth or skunk
Cougar
Bears
Penguins
The entire contents of Carly's bedroom (minus crib and dresser) were in our living room. She was staying at Russ's house, so I wasn't too worried, but she did come down on Wednesday for the morning. The room still looked like that when she arrived (not to mention the pile of laundry on the lovesac). 
